“A Lost Audience”
It’s Sunday morning and I’m about to get off. I answered a phone call on the main line at the station during shift change with an offer of overtime. “Yeah sure, where do you want me to ride?”, I said. “Downtown at Station 1”, replied to the officer. Normally, after this reply, I’d come up with an excuse or one of those “on second thought I just remembered I actually had to do something”, like pick up my moms from work, and you know how that is. Station 1 gets all the smells and bells, the SMJs (sweet med jobs), and the 2mph car wrecks. But it was football season, it was a Sunday, and a guy I went through the academy with would be working too so I decided to take it.
Once I got to Station 1 and received my riding assignment for the day, I couldn’t help but be a little disappointed. The Lieutenant I was riding with that day is/was what I’d call a “nice guy”—would make a heck of a next door neighbor—but not someone who needed to be in the fire service in my opinion. He was just not into the job whatsoever. One of those guys that was definitely there for the 48 hours off and the benefits. He wasn’t out of shape per say, but he wasn’t necessarily in shape either. At this point in my career, I liked challenges. I wanted to be the guy that could get people to train, workout, to truly love this job. I was on the search for the ones that everyone considered the “lost ones”. I convinced myself that I was going to positively influence this guy in some way, shape, or form that day. And so, after breakfast, I set out on my personal mission. “Hey Lt., what do you think about a workout today, let’s go get one in before the game starts and then we can watch the Titans beat the Giants?”. “Nah man it’s Sunday. We relax around here on Sunday’s. No workouts, no trainings, just good meals, football, and enjoying each other for the shift”. Zero for one out of the gate. “Well, I’ll still be out here if you end up wanting to join”, I responded. After the workout, I hit a quick shower and shave. As I glanced up at the clock, I realized we still had an hour before the games started to kick off. “Hey Lt., what if we just did one of those tabletop trainings. You know, we can look at pictures and discuss some scene size-ups, strategies, and some tactics. It’ll only take an hour or so and we can stop when kickoff starts.”, I inquired. “Hey man, I appreciate the offer, but I’ve already told you. It’s Sunday. We’re relaxing. We just want to watch some football, eat some good food, and enjoy each other’s company.”. I was a little more irritated now. Strike two.
So, I helped prep and cook our extravagant lunch we had planned and plopped down in the chairs to watch the games. I could tell this guy was really into football. A super fan. One of those guys that say “we” when referring to the team they support, like they’re actually out there with the players making the blocks and tackles on the field. If I could just get this guy to be as passionate about the fire service as he is about football, he’d probably be an awesome fireman. I thought of another way to approach before conceiting defeat. I decided to turn the games of football into a little game of competition amongst the crews. We had the Engine, the Truck, and Fast Car. “Hey, y’all, let’s make these games a little more interesting with some bets.”, I prompted. “What do you mean?”, said one of the backsteps on the Truck. “Let’s all pick our winners for all of the games today, and whoever loses the most between the Engine and Truck has to give a class tonight on something fire service related and cook everybody dinner”, I explained. Most of the crews’ eyes lit up, and they smiled, probably thinking about what they would make the other crew cook. Maliciously, I was going to make picks that went completely against the teams I knew would win, so I could tank the bets and force the Engine, including the Lieutenant, to have to teach the class that night. But the Lieutenant was just not having it. “Can we not just have a Sunday to take it easy without all this mess about classes?”, he asked. And that put an end to that. Zero for three, strikeout. I was furious. I tried three times nicely to get this guy to do something, just anything, fire service related today. I slammed the recliners feet closed and walked out into the bay, clearly upset.
A few hours later the tones dropped for a fire alarm-residential structure. I was standing in close proximity to the Lieutenant and began running towards the bay floor to turn out. The Lieutenant sees me running and yells, literally yells out “HEY RAYMOND STOP RUNNING!”. I ignored him and got to the Engine, turned out, got on, and we started riding. On the way to the alarm he put his headset on, moved his mouth over to the microphone and says, “I don’t know how y’all do things on your shift but on our shift, we don’t run to the rig and we don’t run on the fireground. That’s how you get hurt. You are way too aggressive today, cool it off. We’re going to get canceled anyways”. The teapot had now begun humming and was popping. I couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Just because you can’t run on the fireground and you’re out of shape doesn’t mean I can’t. What if this was your mom’s house we were going to? That’s a bunch of Bull****!”, I clapped back. Everyone turned their heads toward me, wide-eyed and mouths all the way open. Chauffer included, and that joker was still driving the Engine. This guy had twenty-one years on the job, and I just disrespected him in front of his chauffer and his rookie in the back. His face turned as red as our Engine when it was brand new. A few moments of silenced passed and then sure enough, dispatch comes back and advises a cancel. “Told you Raymond”, he scoffed.
When we got back to the hall, the Lieutenant told me to meet him the office and shut the door behind me. He then proceeded to give me a pretty good chewing about how insubordinate I just was and how disrespectful I just was, expressing that this was setting a bad example in front of a new guy. Looking back, he absolutely had a point. I had set out on a personal mission that day and had failed, so naturally I was angry. By the time that particular alarm came around I was fuming. I responded with the first thing that came to my mind and let my intrusive thoughts win. I had failed in knowing myself and not allowing the actions of others to influence my actions. Then he said something that completely changed my attitude, sparking my interest. “Look you’re right”, he said. “I can’t run in my gear. If I did, I’d be too winded. I’ve tried. I’ve never really been into working out but if you have some things I can do, can you send them to me?”. Is this conversation really happening right now? I thought to myself. “Ye….Yeah of course Lt. I’ve got a bunch of different programs that I could send you.” “Okay thanks. And I appreciate you making an effort today to try to train. We just have a rule here that on Sunday’s we take that one day out of the week to relax and hangout with one another.”, he said in a soft manner, having calmed down now. Thinking back, that makes a lot of sense actually. These guys get pounded with alarms and med calls all the time and still find a way to train on the other days….so why couldn’t they just take one day you know? The guy I went through the academy with had actually told me that they get after it pretty regular on training every shift as well. “Yes sir. I apologize for saying what I did Lt.”, I said, feeling like an absolute jerk at this point. “It’s okay, you just can’t talk like that in front of new the guys”, he explained. “You have a good message Raymond but need to work on your delivery”, he noted. And there it was. Lightbulb moment. How many times have I had the right message, but was the wrong messenger? It sounds silly but up to that point, I had never focused on having tact. I just said what came to my mind and if you didn’t like it, well then too bad. For the record, I still believe in moving with a purpose on the fireground. I took an oath, same as you did, to put others before myself, and to be here for THEM. That includes doing things quickly. And while what I believe in may have been right, I had lost my audience with absolutely disgraceful delivery and poor judgement skills. Sometimes the message is lost due to the messenger. You can attract many more bees with a jar of honey than a jar of vinegar. Keep fighting for what you believe is right, but don’t lose your audience. Take it from a guy that has burned some bridges along the way.
Humbly, Shawn Raymond
